Best lessons are learnt through bitter experiences

Start: 6:30pm - 9:30pm. 6-pages = 12 sides = 1200 words. Essay: Best lessons are learnt through bitter experiences. What if I say that you are going to experience something you wouldn't like & whether something positive comes out of it is absolutely up to you! Although there haven't been any survey conducted on this, but let me cite a simple survey or social experiment that was conducted where they noted how many people climbed the stairs versus take the crowded escalator.

The results were obvious, only 7% of the people took the stairs, lets say half of them were in a hurry, but the other half deliberately chose the stairs, for whatever reason, the study didn't elaborate. But when I read this, it got me thinking of how people have evolved now, with all the modern facilities that makes life easier have actually become a noose. Before the obesity pandemic became a huge problem, doctors in 1960s were trying to figure out why city dwellers were facing high mortality rates. You see, prior to the invention of desk jobs, people mostly worked at factories & farms which was physically intensive. They coined the term 'exercise', which was the solution to sitting 8 hours a day. With Industrialisation, & new jobs (desk jobs) being invented, the concept of exercise became a catch all term for being health & fit. It took obesity related mortality deaths for the doctors & scientists to figure out that we need to be physically active in order to remain healthy. Despite figuring this out in 1960s, people are still reluctant to exercise or eat healthy. In 2021, a 'blockbuster' drug was introduced which was approved by USA's drug regulator 'FDA', its called 'Ozempic'. You don't have to do anything, no dieting, no strenuous exercise, just take Ozempic & lo-behold you are going to lose all that weight.

The drug actually started trending in US social media sites. For a country which was talking about 'Body positivity' & encouraging sports magazines & clothing companies to hire 'plus sized models' are suddenly excited about this miracle diabetic drug, which also happens to help you lose weight. Now I don't know the downstream effects of taking these drugs but let's ask what would 'Buddha have done'? Would he have achieved enlightenment if he simply popped a pill? Gautama Buddha, before he actually became Buddha was shielded from the poverty, death & diseases from a very young age. Because a sage predicted that he will either grow up to become a great emperor or a great wise sage. Naturally his father didn't want his heir becoming a monk & so he shielded Gautam Buddha from all the bad experiences. Buddha had to leave his palace to experience all the hardships people go through. He saw death, poverty, diseases, all of that changed his outlook & he went searching for enlightenment & Buddhism was born. Parents in todays age are naturally very protective of their children, sometimes too protective & the result is obviously bad future for the kids. Bitter experiences whether its rejection, hardships, failure are the building blocks of resilience & discipline. People who grew up with a silver spoon are always less happy than people who worked & achieved their wealth/status in society.

Dr. Anna Lembke's book 'Dopamine Nation' beautifully explains the concept of addiction. Something the West is reeling with now; the epidemic of Fentanyl is ripping societies in USA. One might think with a per capita income of $ 80,000, with its military & economic strength, USA would be considered not a superpower, but a hyperpower. You might expect the people living there to have achieved the category of 'self Actualization' (Maslow's hierarchy theory). But nope! A vast number of people are hooked on drugs, alcohol, reeling with obesity pandemic. why? Dr Anna Lembke explains in her book 'Dopamine Nation', that the brain constantly tries to balance things. Think about this, you are cold, the brain sends a signal to your cells to start generating heat (mitochondria). You are warm, your brain signals your body to start sweating, the sweat evaporates, which cools your body. Dopamine is the motivation drug, that motivates a person to do something. Long story short, Every time you consume fast food, indulge in doing drugs (cocaine, fentanyl), scroll social media or watch Youtube, your dopamine level surges, but then afterwards it goes below baseline. That's when the urges starts, the craving. Fast food, drugs, other high dopamine causing behavior pleasure ↑ —————— pain (cravings, depression, anhedonia) Gremlins — Body & Brain responds by down regulating dopamine. She compares our brain's reward pathway with a seesaw. Too much pleasure or dopamine releasing indulgence, gremlins hop onto the other end. Gremlins are representing depression, cravings, Anhedonia (lack of ability to experience pleasure). So what's the solution? According to Anna Lembke, complete abstinence, easier said than done. She says because every time we experience a peak in dopamine when we indulge in things we shouldn't, we need to give ourselves pain in order to balance the scale. She gives the example of a cocaine addict curing himself by taking a cold plunge every single day. Literally dipping oneself & staying there in ice cold water helped him beat cocaine addiction. In life we are too scared of failure. Because of this dreams remain dreams. The graveyard is considered the richest place on earth, because in the graveyard we find about the businesses that were never erected, dreams of becoming an actor, singer, dancer, that were never taken. Steve Jobs calls it 'dogma', living with the expectations of other people. We need to actively seek out discomfort, experience rejection, failure & only then would we cherish success. If we always experience success (silver spoon baby) without ever experiencing hardships, thats not a life worth living. If Ashoka never experienced the cruelty of war, death & destruction, he would have never chosen the path of Buddha. What would you do if you knew you wouldn't fail? As I was scrolling the news site, I happen to see an advertisement on what I would do if I knew I wouldn't fail. My mind raced at that thought. Let see, build space ships, colonize mars? Make humans multiplanetary? But then I remembered the concept of 'inversion' by Charlie Munger, the famed investor & Business partner of Warren Buffet. 'What would I do, If I knew I would still fail'? Often times people don't take chances because they are too afraid of experiencing negative emotions. The problem is not failure, but comfort. Being comfortable in the same dead end job, same abusive relationship because it feels 'familiar', same small town/village because you're afraid of cities where the opportunities are. After all California's Silicon Valley where all the cutting edge innovation happens talks about 'failing quickly'. Its as if they have appropriated Dr Anna Lembke's motto of 'experiencing pain'. In a world where innovation happens at the frontier edge of space, it doesn't make sense to knowingly fail or atleast avoiding fatal failure, but that's where the beauty of American culture comes. U.S is the only country where Entrepreneurs who have failed in their past ventures, provided they have a solid business plans get their loans approved or get funded by huge Venture Capitals. Peter Thiel one of the members of Paypal Mafia which also included Elon Musk was the initial investor in FaceBook, offering $50,000 to a dropout from Harvard who had zero experience on building a business. That $50,000 turned millions when FaceBook got listed in Nasdaq in 2012. In life if we have to lead a meaningful life, we have to actively seek discomfort. Without discomfort, without experiencing bitter experiences, one would never progress in life. Think about a situation from real life; when friction is zero, the car cannot move forward, it only because of friction between the car's tyres & the road, the car is able to move forward. Sometimes bitter experiences finds you: A young lawyer from India, who was travelling in the first class compartment in South African Railways during the British occupation/colonial rule of Africa was thrown out of the train, something changed in that young man. Suddenly he saw & realized that he was no different than the average African in the eyes of the white colonialists. This lived experience changed that young man, who would go on to liberate India through non-violence, Mahatma Gandhi toppled the British Raj in India by not stooping to the same level as the British (ie) through non-violence. When Jamshetji Tata wanted to dine in one of the fine hotels during British colonial rule in India, he was met with a sign that said 'Dogs & Indians' are not allowed. Being an industrialist, he built the world famous Taj Hotel in present day Mumbai, & filled it up with the finest luxuries of the day. Instead of moping around after experiencing blatant racism, he instead built the most luxurious hotel at that time. Sylvester Stallone before he made it big from his first movie had to experience many rejections. He wrote the script for the famous movie 'Rocky', but he had one condition for the producers, he wanted to star in that movie. He had to face humiliating comments from the producers, telling him that he 'looked funny', he talked funny, & he couldn't act. Stallone refused to budge, even letting go off $50,000 by a producer to sell the script of Rocky. Stallone was in a dire financial condition, he even had to sell his pet dog to make ends meet, but he never relented from his one condition, that he would be the star in his movie 'Rocky'. He finally met a producer who agreed to his condition & the rest is history. Stallone went on to become one of the greatest Hollywood actors after Rocky became a 'hit'. Looking back, if he didn't endure all that negative talk about his looks & all those bitter experiences, he would have never become an actor & the world would have missed out on one of the greatest stars. Bitter experiences are a precursor to success, if not success then atleast lessons; or a great story for your kids one day. 'It Always Seems Impossible, Until its done - Mandela.

So what's the solution? According to Anna Lembke, complete abstinence, easier said than done. She says because every time we experience a peak in dopamine when we indulge in things we shouldn't, we need to give ourselves pain in order to balance the scale. She gives the example of a cocaine addict curing himself by taking a cold plunge every single day. Literally dipping oneself & staying there in ice cold water helped him beat cocaine addiction. In life we are too scared of failure.