War
47/100Performance Report
War
FairScore Breakdown
Introduction
WAR A young man asked his grandmother what's the purpose of happy life? She smiled and took 3 cups. In the first cup she added water until it overflowed. In the second cup, she added sugar to the tea, which is nearly impossible to drink. In the third cup, she poured oil to the lamp until the smokey flame extinguishes.
WAR A young man asked his grandmother what's the purpose of happy life? She smiled and took 3 cups. In the first cup she added water until it overflowed. In the second cup, she added sugar to the tea, which is nearly impossible to drink. In the third cup, she poured oil to the lamp until the smokey flame extinguishes.
Historical and Ideological Warfare
From this she tries to convince him, that everything loses beauty when it breaches the limit. This applies to WAR, when conflict of interest breaches, it should be dealt in calm & composed rather than bloodsheds & weapons. Human beings struggle to live a good life. For one it may be peace of mind, for the other it may be wealth, power, for some it may be situations of conflict, chaos and war. From the times of History, usually recordings, written documents are available for king's success, failure, way of succeeding wars. But in the same society, section of poor and middle class population lives, whose records of life are rarely available. This prevents our generation from knowing what war, conflicts mean to them. But when we surprisingly found the voice of downtrodden people, we try Inculcate the values and ideas of them in the school text books. For instance, Diary of Anne Frank escaped from the destruction of evidences in German's Jewish society. This illustrates that, when Hitler wishes to become a global leader, he used someone as means to achieve one's one end, later this outraged and exposed the war faced by Jewish people. In current period, it could be said in ideological warfare. This happened after worldwar-II where clashes between capitalism and communism emerged. proxy warfares are more common in countries like Vietnam who experienced agent orange, cuban missile crisis. this war arises when USA and USSR wishes to spread their ideas among countries and people. When USSR disintegrated, thinkers like Francis Fukkayama called "End of History" which implies the triumph of Liberalism. But the warfare of ideology never ends and emerges in various forms through Neomarxist approach.
From this she tries to convince him, that everything loses beauty when it breaches the limit. This applies to WAR, when conflict of interest breaches, it should be dealt in calm & composed rather than bloodsheds & weapons. Human beings struggle to live a good life. For one it may be peace of mind, for the other it may be wealth, power, for some it may be situations of conflict, chaos and war. From the times of History, usually recordings, written documents are available for king's success, failure, way of succeeding wars. But in the same society, section of poor and middle class population lives, whose records of life are rarely available. This prevents our generation from knowing what war, conflicts mean to them. But when we surprisingly found the voice of downtrodden people, we try Inculcate the values and ideas of them in the school text books. For instance, Diary of Anne Frank escaped from the destruction of evidences in German's Jewish society. This illustrates that, when Hitler wishes to become a global leader, he used someone as means to achieve one's one end, later this outraged and exposed the war faced by Jewish people. In current period, it could be said in ideological warfare. This happened after worldwar-II where clashes between capitalism and communism emerged. proxy warfares are more common in countries like Vietnam who experienced agent orange, cuban missile crisis. this war arises when USA and USSR wishes to spread their ideas among countries and people. When USSR disintegrated, thinkers like Francis Fukkayama called "End of History" which implies the triumph of Liberalism. But the warfare of ideology never ends and emerges in various forms through Neomarxist approach.
Cyber Warfare and Environmental Conflict
Tooth and Nail In the present 21st century, individuals are unaware of their threats surrounding them like cybercrimes & cyberwarfare. Many people especially children, elderly people are victims of cyberissues. when technology emerges, useage is in the beholder who can use for positive purposes like digital economy, e-commerce or for negative purposes like cybercrimes, destructive AI. This creates technology as Frankenstein monster. This increase in technology useage has led to increase in consumption of power which in return creates climate change, Global warming. when nature decides to responds to the human made crisis the Impact felt on living creatures are extremely high. This not only affect the human who created and used it. But it also affects the birds, animals, microorganisms, trees etc... This "environmental war" leads to extremely severe flash floods, Rock-ice avalanche, erratic monsoon patterns.
Tooth and Nail In the present 21st century, individuals are unaware of their threats surrounding them like cybercrimes & cyberwarfare. Many people especially children, elderly people are victims of cyberissues. when technology emerges, useage is in the beholder who can use for positive purposes like digital economy, e-commerce or for negative purposes like cybercrimes, destructive AI. This creates technology as Frankenstein monster. This increase in technology useage has led to increase in consumption of power which in return creates climate change, Global warming. when nature decides to responds to the human made crisis the Impact felt on living creatures are extremely high. This not only affect the human who created and used it. But it also affects the birds, animals, microorganisms, trees etc... This "environmental war" leads to extremely severe flash floods, Rock-ice avalanche, erratic monsoon patterns.
Personal Struggles and Societal Wars
This year of 2026 is termed as 'super elnino' where increasing water crisis, food shortages arisis. The same nature leaves thousand of people dead and missing in Nepal flood (2026). Though Nepal contributes less than 1% for climate change, as a Himalayan state, it experiences severity. When the humans react to the nature by means of discussions, negotiations, innovations, this creates "intellectual warfare". Different companies, individuals, government with Research & development ensures to provide solution through creative destruction. This phenomenon is not new to 21st century, it was from early times. From instance, plate tectonic theory's evolution was started from Wegner to seafloor spreading theory and slowly plate tectonic theory. When room sized computer was invented it was a greatest innovation of that times. But currently, that technology has been made into size which could be holded in hands. The world has now come into the hand sized device. This hand sized technology creates addiction in children who engage in short term pleasure of doomscrolling. This 15-30 seconds shorts creates a dopamine where a child finds it difficult to come out through it. Due to this interaction decreases, family time decreases, useage of gadgets increases. As a measure, Australian government banned social social media for children. Though when a child tries to overcome the effects of dopamine, it was felt difficult. Here the child faces the war within it's own mind. This anger and frustration in return leads to conflicts with parents where the child feels difficult to convey what they feel in their mind to parents. The child may have ended up using social media accounts where the world is harsh to him/her. It may be in the form of caste discrimination. It's the situation where a child might face war within their mind either to remain silent or speakup for injustice. For instance, Ambedkar spoke up the injustice and gave famous slogan "Educate, agitate and organize". There are also many children who voices are silenced. when caste ended up with entanglement of gender, the issue of intersectionality is very high. when a dalit women walks out of home it's her war to be safe, when she walks alone at night it's her war to return home safe. The responsibility shifts entirely on women who are victims and this is more prevalant in patriarchal society. This patriarchal society, also puts man at risk by entrusting entire responsibility of income on them at a very young age. For instance, a man from shepherd family dreams to become a footballer. But his father tore his gloves. so that man left his family and moved to tehran (~600km) with almost no money left. There he financed himself and become a internationally recognized footballer. He is none other than Alireza Beiranvand Similarly, the struggle for women could be seen in the life of Haimabeti sen who was married at age of 9 to 45 year old widower. Later she become widow in 3 years and educated herself and become a doctor This implies that struggles, chaos, wars faced in one's life becomes easier for next generation to carry on their life with dreams & wishes to be fulfilled. "History repeats itself" where the lessons, struggles faced are not repeated with same mistakes in other persons life. This principle was mainly advocated by the author of the book "The Prince" (ie) Machiavelli. Hence, the word "war" can be different for different people based on their struggles, experiences. Even creatures of nature like tree faces war to deepen their roots by breaking the hard rocks. and this provides lesson that with better confidence and resilience one can break the stereotypes implied by society and live a good, better & peaceful life.
This year of 2026 is termed as 'super elnino' where increasing water crisis, food shortages arisis. The same nature leaves thousand of people dead and missing in Nepal flood (2026). Though Nepal contributes less than 1% for climate change, as a Himalayan state, it experiences severity. When the humans react to the nature by means of discussions, negotiations, innovations, this creates "intellectual warfare". Different companies, individuals, government with Research & development ensures to provide solution through creative destruction. This phenomenon is not new to 21st century, it was from early times. From instance, plate tectonic theory's evolution was started from Wegner to seafloor spreading theory and slowly plate tectonic theory. When room sized computer was invented it was a greatest innovation of that times. But currently, that technology has been made into size which could be holded in hands. The world has now come into the hand sized device. This hand sized technology creates addiction in children who engage in short term pleasure of doomscrolling. This 15-30 seconds shorts creates a dopamine where a child finds it difficult to come out through it. Due to this interaction decreases, family time decreases, useage of gadgets increases. As a measure, Australian government banned social social media for children. Though when a child tries to overcome the effects of dopamine, it was felt difficult. Here the child faces the war within it's own mind. This anger and frustration in return leads to conflicts with parents where the child feels difficult to convey what they feel in their mind to parents. The child may have ended up using social media accounts where the world is harsh to him/her. It may be in the form of caste discrimination. It's the situation where a child might face war within their mind either to remain silent or speakup for injustice. For instance, Ambedkar spoke up the injustice and gave famous slogan "Educate, agitate and organize". There are also many children who voices are silenced. when caste ended up with entanglement of gender, the issue of intersectionality is very high. when a dalit women walks out of home it's her war to be safe, when she walks alone at night it's her war to return home safe. The responsibility shifts entirely on women who are victims and this is more prevalant in patriarchal society. This patriarchal society, also puts man at risk by entrusting entire responsibility of income on them at a very young age. For instance, a man from shepherd family dreams to become a footballer. But his father tore his gloves. so that man left his family and moved to tehran (~600km) with almost no money left. There he financed himself and become a internationally recognized footballer. He is none other than Alireza Beiranvand Similarly, the struggle for women could be seen in the life of Haimabeti sen who was married at age of 9 to 45 year old widower. Later she become widow in 3 years and educated herself and become a doctor This implies that struggles, chaos, wars faced in one's life becomes easier for next generation to carry on their life with dreams & wishes to be fulfilled. "History repeats itself" where the lessons, struggles faced are not repeated with same mistakes in other persons life. This principle was mainly advocated by the author of the book "The Prince" (ie) Machiavelli. Hence, the word "war" can be different for different people based on their struggles, experiences. Even creatures of nature like tree faces war to deepen their roots by breaking the hard rocks. and this provides lesson that with better confidence and resilience one can break the stereotypes implied by society and live a good, better & peaceful life.
Conclusion
conflict b/w minds (ethical dilemmas) -> sit aariun Intellectual war Field level war (bombs, attacks) Historical level war proxy Environ war with Human current war cyberspace child vs parent Social level - women, caste Ideological war war rural area Anan -> valley -> dense forest sense of peace -> felt lonely state of mind Birds chirp Man -> walking in road Horn sound <- scorching heat <- pollution might find chaos, irritatity to survive. War is not about bloodsheds, mass killing but it's also abt war to survive, war to live a good life. "Everything loses beauty when breaches limits" History -> People -> knew the purity, infra, records are mostly upper section but rarely lower sections feelings are included, conflicts, differe of thought are rarely presented when we receive it understand their struggle for survival. Diary of Anne Frank was essay among other Jews material it served as imp lessons in schl books. This illust "when one use others as means to achieve ones end" -> impose their ideology in others. This also happened in proxy global power control warfares - Vietnam, Cuban missile crisis where ideol warfare has troubled world peace. Also emerged in current times as cyberwar where indiv are unaware of own threats, gener Gaps, tech is used as Frankenstein monster unfair adv. for those. This tech useage lead pollution, CC, Global war, with high power consump. when nature deni to create warfare it responds to it - Flash flood, Avalan. so to React to this Human create innovations, finds reason why it happens. This creates intellect war. Diff company, indiv competes to survive. Creative destruction -> world becomes smaller in plans. -> Plate tectonic theory evolution -> Room sized comp to hand holding size. This phone -> addiction in children. creates short term pleasure with 15-30 sec shorts. Internet uses, useage of gadgets oldage parents lonely Quality family time down As result Australia ban social media. Though children tried to overcome dopamine This creates war within their minds & with parents. Manual scaveng = war, eating up caste food = war. A child may also use phone as tool to dis when face caste discri. Some quest, some accept when gender mixes intersectionality. A girl -> House war -> walking alone @ night = war. Eg: Haimabati sen income when resp of households falls on men, he may find war b/w family & dreams. (Alireza Beiranvand)
conflict b/w minds (ethical dilemmas) -> sit aariun Intellectual war Field level war (bombs, attacks) Historical level war proxy Environ war with Human current war cyberspace child vs parent Social level - women, caste Ideological war war rural area Anan -> valley -> dense forest sense of peace -> felt lonely state of mind Birds chirp Man -> walking in road Horn sound <- scorching heat <- pollution might find chaos, irritatity to survive. War is not about bloodsheds, mass killing but it's also abt war to survive, war to live a good life. "Everything loses beauty when breaches limits" History -> People -> knew the purity, infra, records are mostly upper section but rarely lower sections feelings are included, conflicts, differe of thought are rarely presented when we receive it understand their struggle for survival. Diary of Anne Frank was essay among other Jews material it served as imp lessons in schl books. This illust "when one use others as means to achieve ones end" -> impose their ideology in others. This also happened in proxy global power control warfares - Vietnam, Cuban missile crisis where ideol warfare has troubled world peace. Also emerged in current times as cyberwar where indiv are unaware of own threats, gener Gaps, tech is used as Frankenstein monster unfair adv. for those. This tech useage lead pollution, CC, Global war, with high power consump. when nature deni to create warfare it responds to it - Flash flood, Avalan. so to React to this Human create innovations, finds reason why it happens. This creates intellect war. Diff company, indiv competes to survive. Creative destruction -> world becomes smaller in plans. -> Plate tectonic theory evolution -> Room sized comp to hand holding size. This phone -> addiction in children. creates short term pleasure with 15-30 sec shorts. Internet uses, useage of gadgets oldage parents lonely Quality family time down As result Australia ban social media. Though children tried to overcome dopamine This creates war within their minds & with parents. Manual scaveng = war, eating up caste food = war. A child may also use phone as tool to dis when face caste discri. Some quest, some accept when gender mixes intersectionality. A girl -> House war -> walking alone @ night = war. Eg: Haimabati sen income when resp of households falls on men, he may find war b/w family & dreams. (Alireza Beiranvand)
The Art of First Impressions
Your introduction is your one chance to make the examiner want to read more. Think of it as a movie trailer: grab attention, make a promise, and create anticipation. Most students start with definitions - the essay equivalent of 'once upon a time.' Distinguished essays start with intrigue.
"The introduction presents a metaphor that holds potential but lacks clarity and does not effectively set up the essay's themes."
"The use of metaphor with cups is intriguing and has the potential to draw readers in."
"The introduction is vague and lacks cohesive thesis and roadmap elements that guide the reader."
"Clarify the metaphor's connection to war, establish a clear thesis, and add a roadmap for structure."
You Have:
- An intriguing metaphor
- A question posed
You Need:
- A clear thesis connecting happiness and war Thesis
- A roadmap outlining the essay's sections Roadmap
The Hook: Your First 10 Words
The hook is your opening punch. It should make the examiner's eyebrows rise, create a question in their mind, or present a tension that demands resolution. Definitions don't do this. Questions, paradoxes, and vivid scenarios do.
Most students start with 'X has been important since ancient times.' This is true but boring. Your hook should be surprising, not safe.
"A young man asked his grandmother what's the purpose of happy life?"
1 Provocative Question
"What if the quest for a happy life is overshadowed by the shadow of war?"
Why it works: This question directly relates happiness to the impact of war, compelling the reader to think critically about the theme.
2 Paradox Hook
"In the pursuit of happiness, do we unknowingly invite war into our lives?"
Why it works: This presents a paradox that evokes curiosity about how happiness can be intertwined with conflict.
3 Scenario Hook
"Imagine a world where every pursuit of happiness is marred by the ever-looming threat of war."
Why it works: This scenario invites the reader to visualize the profound impact of war on human desires.
Ask a question that challenges assumptions or creates intellectual tension
In an age of [modern reality], why do [surprising behavior/belief] persist?
Present a contradiction that creates cognitive dissonance
[Concept] promises [X], yet delivers [opposite/unexpected].
Paint a vivid picture with unexpected actors or situations
A [unexpected person 1] does [X]. A [unexpected person 2] does [Y]. [Pattern/Insight].
Lead with a surprising number that demands explanation
[Surprising statistic]. Behind this number lies [deeper truth].
X has been important since ancient times.In today's world, X is very relevant.X is a topic of great significance.Since time immemorial, X has...X can be defined as...
"The first sentence tells the examiner who they're dealing with. A definition says 'average student.' A paradox says 'someone who thinks differently.' First impressions stick."
Foundation: Thesis + Roadmap
Your thesis is your promise to the reader - what you're going to prove. Your roadmap is the journey you'll take them on. Together, they set up your entire essay. A weak foundation means the examiner isn't sure where you're going.
Thesis without a position is just a topic sentence. Roadmap without anticipation is just a table of contents.
"Not present"
1 Crisp Stand
"War, often viewed as a pursuit of power, fundamentally disturbs the essence of a happy life."
Why it works: This thesis provides a clear stance and indicates to the reader the analytical direction of the essay.
2 Debatable Angle
"While war is seen as a means to achieve political ends, it ironically undermines our very pursuit of happiness."
Why it works: This approach invites conflict and debate on the effectiveness of war in promoting peace and happiness.
3 Sophisticated Balance
"Though war can result in change, it simultaneously dismantles the structures within which happiness exists."
Why it works: This nuanced position presents complexity, suggesting that war's implications for happiness are multifaceted.
Crisp Stand
Clear, direct position with analytical edge
Debatable Angle
Acknowledge counter-view, then take position
Sophisticated Balance
Embrace complexity with a nuanced position
"Not present"
1 Natural Flow
"This essay will explore the historical implications of war, the modern threats posed by cyber conflict, and personal struggles arising from societal wars."
Why it works: This flow articulates a thematic exploration rather than mere listing, generating curiosity about each section.
2 Question-Based
"What historical lessons can we learn from past wars, and how do they relate to contemporary conflicts and personal struggles?"
Why it works: Framing the roadmap as questions engages the reader's curiosity to seek answers in the body sections.
3 Thematic Preview
"We will delve into the ideological battles of the past, the emerging threats of our digital age, and the societal conflicts that challenge personal happiness."
Why it works: This preface hints at each section's content without revealing too much, maintaining intrigue.
Natural Flow
Weave structure into narrative without listing
Question-Based
Frame structure as questions to be answered
Thematic Preview
Drop intriguing references without explaining
Thesis: "A clear thesis tells the examiner 'I'm going to argue something.' This creates anticipation and gives them a lens to evaluate your essay. No thesis = no argument = lower marks."
Roadmap: "A good roadmap tells the examiner 'this essay is organized and going somewhere interesting.' A list tells them 'this student is mechanical.' Anticipation beats information."
The Opening Polish
Your introduction is the most scrutinized part of your essay. Every word matters. We'll teach you three style techniques that instantly elevate your opening: Parallelism, Antithesis, and Crescendo.
Introductions often suffer from 'playing it safe.' This is exactly when you need to take stylistic risks.
"The language is simple and factual but could benefit from enhanced stylistic features."
Parallelism
MissingAntithesis
MissingCrescendo
Missing"A young man asked his grandmother what's the purpose of happy life?"
"WAR"
"WAR: The Silent Threat to Our Pursuit of Happiness"
Parallelism
Repeating grammatical structure for rhythm and emphasis
Antithesis
Placing contrasting ideas in parallel structure to highlight tension
Crescendo
Building from small to large, quiet to loud, personal to universal
The Complete Transformation
See how all the elements come together. This is what a distinguished introduction looks like.
60
Words Before110
Words AfterWAR A young man asked his grandmother what's the purpose of happy life? She smiled and took 3 cups. In the first cup she added water until it overflowed. In the second cup, she added sugar to the tea, which is nearly impossible to drink. In the third cup, she poured oil to the lamp until the smokey flame extinguishes.
WAR: The Silent Threat to Our Pursuit of Happiness What if the quest for a happy life is overshadowed by the shadow of war? In exploring this profound question, we will examine how war has historically disrupted our pursuit of happiness, the emerging threats of cyber conflict in our modern world, and the societal struggles that challenge personal fulfillment.
hook
Introduced a provocative hook linking happiness to war.
thesis
Added a clear thesis articulating the direction of the essay.
roadmap
Provided a preview of the main themes to create anticipation.
language
Enhanced the overall language for increased sophistication and evocativeness.
Ideal Structure
- Hook (attention)
- Thesis (promise)
- Roadmap (anticipation)
Common Mistake
DefinitionVague statementList of sections
Most introductions are forgettable because they play it safe. Distinguished introductions take risks: provocative hooks, debatable theses, and roadmaps that tease.
First Impression Effect
The first paragraph colors the entire reading experience. Start strong and you're read generously.
Differentiation Signal
A unique opening signals 'this student is different.' The examiner pays more attention.
Thesis as Lens
A clear thesis gives the examiner a framework. Without it, they're lost and frustrated.
Anticipation Value
A good roadmap creates eagerness. The examiner looks forward to each section instead of dreading it.
Stage 1 Definition Writer
Focus: Stop opening with definitions
Goal: Recognize boring openings
Stage 2 Hook Crafter
Focus: Master 3 hook types
Goal: Grab attention consistently
Stage 3 Thesis Builder
Focus: State debatable positions
Goal: Make clear arguments
Stage 4 Master Opener
Focus: Integrate all elements with style
Goal: Unforgettable introductions